Should the mantra to women be one of self-sacrifice and compromise?

Most couples are not so privileged to have complete financial security and the career of their choosing, enabling them to fit in family life to suit their circumstances at any particular time.

Marriage has to be worked at. In my book “ Women On Top 69 Positions To Success And Saving Your Relationship Or Not!” I say you should celebrate every anniversary of your married life. Each year presents its own challenges; the seven-year itch, the ten-year hiccup and other obstacles that you may face as a couple. A relationship, whether married or living together, should be equal and balanced.  Most people don’t enter marriage lightly, or at least you shouldn’t.

Women take the biggest economic risk when they give up their career to have a family. When you are no longer married it is the primary earner, the man, who walks away with his financial status intact!

The fight is then an uphill struggle for most women. There is often a lack of funds and reduced future prospects in the work place, let alone the emotional consequences for your children. If divorce happens in later life, when you should be retired together and enjoying the fruits of your success as a couple, this can leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth and an uncertain future. Make no mistake, when a woman decides to leave her marriage it is because she is dissatisfied with the relationship and is no longer in love with her husband. Women don’t normally make this decision lightly and it may take years to get to this point, even sacrificing years bringing up the children to at least give them a stable childhood.

Let’s not forget the judicial system. This is crammed full of men with receding hair and bulbous bodies that have succumbed to many a dish doled out from the profits of divorce. Men over run the system, a disadvantage to women, and if the man also holds the purse strings then they use this to gain leverage.

Should women therefore consider giving up their career to stay at home? Is this a risk worth taking? Can you guarantee you won’t be part of the divorce statistics later on in your marriage? These are the questions a woman should consider. Don’t forget to factor into your thinking that all may be rosy at the moment with your husband’s career but things can change.

Maintaining a foot in both camps is in my opinion the way forward. These days, with the more modern man, it is hoped that he will consider your feelings and future as much as his own. You owe it to yourself to retain your career, your independence and an equal footing in your relationship.

I hope that one day marriage will make the comeback it deserves!

By Fiona G Laycy in response to an article in the Daily Mail written by Gwyneth Paltrow

I have a private practice in Cornwall. Clients can choose between telephone consultations, face to face consultations or a mixture of both.

I hold full public liability insurance.

Consultation fees can be tailored to suit YOUR needs.

COACHING FEES

45minute telephone session or consultation at the Cornwall Clinic £60.00

A non-returnable deposit of half the consultation fee is required to book each consultation. The remainder of the fee is payable twenty-four hours before consultation.

Email me now now to book your appointment.

Traditional: Slower method of ordering.

For information, placing an order and sending payments, if not using pay pal or email, please send to the address below:

Women On Top

Treganatha

67 Grenville Road

Lostwithiel

Cornwall

PL22 0RA

Please include your name, address for delivery and your telephone number in case we need to contact you.

Please also include the description of your required purchase, cheque payment or cash (by registered post).

All cheques must be in UK sterling (GBP) and made payable to Fiona G Laycy.

Orders by Email to fiona@women-on-top.co.uk

All prices listed include standard postage to anywhere in the world.

Fiona G Laycy (TCA , Dip Hyp, SRN, Writer)

Personal &Professional Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, CST, CSTT and CMST Analyst and Writer

What is a Coach?

My role as your coach is to support you in realising and achieving your goals and true potential. As your coach I would look at where you are today and where you want to be. This can be in your personal life, professional life or both. Very often the two overlap.

When I construct your CST, CSTT report there is always coaching information included. This is to help you make the most of every single area of your chart and report. I want you to be able to achieve Success in Every Area of YOUR LIFE!

Mental blocks and limiting self-beliefs stop us from achieving what we are capable of achieving .If you don’t believe deep down that you will earn enough money to free yourself from worry and difficulty and to enjoy life more, then you won’t. Coaching can  help you to believe in yourself, to build up self confidence , motivation and take the nessasary steps to achieve the life that you want to live.

Imagine yourself in the future having discovered your true value. Imagine that you have earned a fortune and imagine increasing your fortune.

What beliefs did you have to change about yourself or the world in order to earn your fortune?

I do offer coaching as a separate service for those who require an even deeper understanding of themselves and wish to unlock further potential. I always advise that you have your CSTT done before coaching begins as this allows me and you to have a complete understanding of your life profile.

As a Professional life Coach, I use my skills and other techniques to help you achieve the results that you want, enabling you to take positive steps towards your own personal goals and development. I offer face-to-face consultations as well as telephone consultations; both are as effective and as successful as the other. I work with individuals both in their personal life and in their professional capacity.

I believe that my calm and relaxed style together with my expert communication skills and qualifications offer a unique approach to coaching to help you fully understand and improve your relationships, your health, your work life balance and your career.

My niche areas in particular are Time management, Stress, Relationships, Wealth Coaching and Expatriate Coaching.

Maintaining a balance between your work and private life is something we all strive to do. How you feel inside may well parallel what is happening in real life, as the body and mind are unable to keep up the pace. Learning how to manage your time, plan activities and set goals and fulfil them will bring you back in charge of you and allow you to balance your life more effectively.

“Improve your self, enhance your success”

By Fiona G Laycy

Create your wealth using CST, CSTT and CMST, Coaching or a combination to help you earn more Money, Enrich your life and Achieve the Success you have always wanted.

CST and CSTT will help you to avoid areas that are unsuitable and will not bring you success.

SO YOU WANT A BETTER RELATIONSHIP?

CST, CSTT, CMST, Coaching or a combination again are the perfect tools. Whether you want to deal with relationship problems or are interested in building successful new relationships, I can help you in many ways.

Visualisation techniques and learning to imagine a brighter future with more successful relationships can help in achieving them. Imagine what it would be like to enjoy better relationships in every area of your life, to wake up in the morning happy and be positive about yourself.

SO YOU WANT A BETTER CAREER?

CST, CSTT, CMST, Coaching or a combination again are the perfect tools. Knowing your life chart will enable you to understand the best type of career for you, make the most of your chosen career and avoid the many pitfalls. You will be able to take advantage of opportunities when they arise such as promotion. You will be able to maximise your earning potential. You will be able to steer your own career path to suit your own needs and that of your families. You will be able to create a balanced work/life situation. You will be responsible for your future!

Holding onto your most valuable information until the day when you may just need to use this extra ammunition may be the difference in you getting your financial settlement or not. Having a grenade in your back pocket may just come in useful especially if he should decide that he doesn’t want to pay his agreed maintenance and financial settlement.

Don’t be afraid to pull the lever; if you can release the trigger from a distance of several hundred miles then all the better. You will have to be prepared to use this information knowing the consequences of your actions. This may not sit comfortably with you but when you have been left with no other options then there is often only one way to behave and that is to be tough and fight your corner. As they say “ hell has no fury like a woman scorned”. But be prepared for a fight.

He might not want to part with the money; he thinks it’s his money! He may not think you will follow through with this course of action knowing the effect it will have on your own future, your children and his future depending on the information you are about to reveal. He may firmly believe that you would never do that to him, destroy him.

Tilly’s husband believes that she will always love him and would never do anything to jeopardise her future maintenance if she doesn’t get her settlement. This naivety could very well signify his final downfall as Tilly has many layers of information on Jeremy and his associates amassed over many years that once unleashed will fan out and destroy all those in the path of her getting her full financial settlement.

That said, men can be manipulative and, on occasions, they may get the upper hand. This may be therefore more down to our personality, our characteristics and our own moral outlook. Men think that they are clever. Haven’t they realised by now that we can out wit them and out manoeuvre them at every stage!

Written by Fiona G Laycy

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.

Body language
Are they showing signs of nervousness, are they uncomfortable? Are they fidgety, perspiring or maybe they are too calm, too much in control. We often show and display extremes of behaviour when we know we are lying.

Bills and receipts
Always be in charge of paying the bills and logging the receipts. If they travel away from home a lot then observing their receipts will often tell you where they have been and with whom they have eaten.

One of the women in my book remembers one receipt in particular when her husband said he had been to dinner with a male work colleague. From looking at the receipt she knew he was obviously on a first date. This was a woman, there was no doubt in her mind and she was subsequently proved right.

Telephone calls
Check his phone calls. They are often itemised these days. Check the times of the calls, the duration and frequency of the calls. He may try to justify calling a work colleague during the day and may even try to justify calling them in the evening but observe the times; a call made at 10.30 at night is not a business call.

Digital recorders
These can be set for long play allowing you to catch him out. They can be placed in discreet places such as his car, under his work desk or near the telephone.

Key Logger
Should he have a computer with a separate keyboard then you can always use a key logger to trace and obtain his passwords and login details. You will then have a blue print of his activities and the sequence in which they were conducted.

Sim Recovery Pro
This will enable you to see all of his deleted text messages and their content. He may think he has been clever deleting them but there are numerous gadgets around that can uncover all sorts of information.

The Detective
This can be a costly exercise and longwinded if you are just clutching at straws or desperate to discover his infidelities. To reduce your costs try to have as much information as possible to give you and the detective the best opportunity of catching him out the first time. Tilly in my book hired a detective. She wanted him to catch out her husband Jeremy by doing an overnight stakeout when she suspected he was with one of his numerous liaisons. Tilly’s detective got within three feet of them and all the evidence she needed and by the time her husband returned back to the UK twenty four hours later, unaware that he had been caught, Tilly had the photographs’ in front of her ready to confront him.

Buy a Parrot
I remember reading an article in the daily papers about a gentleman who caught out his fiancée. The parrot started mimicking the conversations between her and her lover. Subsequently when they parted he kept the parrot.

Written by Fiona G Laycy

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.

According to Dr Marianne J Legato from her book “Why Men never Remember and Women Never Forget”, men and women are born to be different from birth. For a start, our sex is determined when we are conceived and a man’s brain is very different to ours. The sex of the brain is determined at conception by the chromosomes that are present. Dr Marianne J Legato goes even further to say that the man’s brain is bigger than a woman’s, but women have apparently got more grey matter. This means that we are far better with our judgement and decision-making. Therefore size isn’t everything! The male’s bigger brain needs far more effort and energy to function properly.

We can also therefore multitask; after all, we use more areas of our brains when dealing with several tasks at once than men.

Our hormones affect the way we think and behave. And, let’s not forget our parents and our environment. These all have an affect on our make-up. As we get older this impacts on how we deal with any problems and areas of our lives.

For those of you going through a divorce or relationship break up this will have been useful, as you would have retained a lot of minute details that your ex may have missed. This should also give you the confidence moving forward with your life knowing that you are far more capable of progression and self development. Remember bigger is not necessarily better!

As a woman you have far superior sensory equipment that can analyse the information that you receive. You are far more proficient at deciphering verbal, visual and other signals and your intuition is not often wrong. For you it is far easier to lie to a man as he can’t recognise the differences between your verbal and unwritten signals.

Men, on the other hand, would do better to lie over the telephone, in a letter, with the lights off or with a paper bag over their heads.

We women always know when men are lying to us, even over the telephone. We are able to catch them out and they will often say something that just doesn’t add up from previous conversations.

The one thing that women are good at is remembering what has been told to us. Of course we may also have other tricks up our sleeves. Taping most of their conversations can be useful so that you can work out what is going on; after all, there is often a lot at stake. Write down what they say so that you don’t forget snippets of information that may seem trivial at the time but will form part of the bigger picture later on. Don’t disregard anything that is said. Remember the first ten minutes of any conversation are the most important and any rambling on by them is often an indication of lying by trying or attempting to justify a certain course of action. We are vigilant to the point of being on a mission once we know that they are lying to us. With razor sharp antennae these men don’t stand a chance.

Written by Fiona G Laycy

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.

I’ve realised that this book is for all Women, young and old who want to make their lives a success and also make their relationships a success. We no longer want to just coast along accepting that this is the best we can get or achieve. We want to know and make sure we have the best, the absolute (and by that I don’t mean the divorce papers). We no longer want second best. We want it all and YOU can have it all!

Women are now starting to make headway in the World. We are more confident not only in our relationships but also in our abilities in the work place. In my opinion we contribute and bring far more to the home and workplace than men. In other words WE are committed to every area and aspect of our lives and long may this continue.

I would like to see every woman achieve this success.

So if you haven’t already bought this book then do so NOW!

Be bold and make your life a Success!

But why not go a stage further and make others successful. Karma is a strange thing but I truly believe in Karma. Pay your life forward and help others. This can be truly rewarding. I often Coach for free and I get the greatest delight when I receive an email thanking me for helping you often make a difficult decision or reach your goal, dream.

With this thought in mind I am determined that my book should reach as many women as possible.

I want all of you that buy this book to pass on this message.

Send this message to 10 friends or other people that you know and get them in turn to do the same. Get them to buy my book. More importantly keep in touch with me and let me know how you get on when you buy my book. Let me know that your life has improved and that you have and are being Successful and fulfilling your life. I want to know that my book has made a difference to YOUR LIFE!

Keep in touch.

Love Fiona

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.

Available from www.women-on-top.co.uk

Available from www.lulu.com

On sale in book stores.

ISBN: 978-1-4478-7066-1

Price £11.99

Cancel all engagements. Take the phone off the hook and immerse yourself in this survival guide for anyone who has realized that the perfect relationship is like a good orgasm- many of those are faked!

Women On Top 69 Positions To Success And Saving Your Relationship Or Not! is about women moving forward with their lives following the loss of their relationship. If you have the slightest doubt that you will not be part of these statistics then read this book.

This provocative insight is packed with delightfully uninhibited tales of cover ups and deception that relationships reveal; the infidelities and secrets that result in life being a roller coaster of delicious fun and occasionally resulting in death.

Fresh, lively, and informative this is an essential read for every woman.

Fun, flirtatious, possibly outrageous and paced.

This book is an honest interpretation of how many women feel and gives a frank and positive slant on how to improve or come out of your relationship and move on with your life. Life is challenging, a journey, often embracing many changes that you can make to survive your relationship successfully.

Facing your fears, revealing your dreams and expectations, this book provides you with the opportunity to tackle life with both courage and laughter on your very own personal journey.

Whether you want to or not you may find something better than you had before!

About the author

After twenty–two moves, both nationally and internationally, countless cars and three children Fiona has now settled in the South West of England. There amongst the rolling terrain of the beautiful countryside and the Atlantic sea Fiona writes and coaches.

Fiona is available for interviews, article writing and book signings.

Fiona can be contacted through fiona@women-on-top.co.uk

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.

There are numerous reasons why people divorce but the bottom line is that your relationship has broken down to such a point that it is no longer retrievable.

Both of you will hopefully agree to sign legal papers that make each of you single again and allow either of you to marry other people if you want to. This can often be quite difficult especially if one of you doesn’t want the divorce or is quite simply putting obstacles in the way to cause maximum grief to the person wishing to end the marriage.

The law states that you may be able to get a divorce providing you can substantiate one of the following:

• Your husband has committed adultery and you can no longer live with him.
• Your husband has behaved unreasonably and again you can no longer live with him.
• You have been separated for two years, before you started the divorce, in which case your husband will need to consent to the divorce.
• You have been separated for five years, before you started divorce proceedings; no consent is required from your husband in this case.
• Your husband has deserted you for two years prior to starting the process of divorce.
• If your husband is divorcing you then the same applies. Your solicitor will be able to guide you as to which scenario best applies to you.

It’s interesting to note that where the man has committed adultery many women filing for divorce don’t specifically state this fact.  The reasons for this are that if you intend to declare the other third party then they need to be notified and the paperwork becomes a minefield. It is often far easier for the woman to take the easiest option and the cheapest to exit her marriage. We all want our day in court or to shout out the other woman’s name but at what cost and is it worth it? From talking to other women having gone through this the general consensus of opinion is that the courts are not interested in who did what to who, the third party involved and naming names. In fact most women implied that it did not put them in a positive light taking pot shots at the other woman who had now stolen their husband and the family pot.

Divorce can be a complicated process and expensive. The solicitors, lawyers and other professionals within the legal system can tie you up in complicated procedures and it’s so easy to lose control of the whole process and of course the finances. Whilst couples are at each other’s throats this is usually a prime opportunity for the “fat cats” in the legal system to cream off their exorbitant fees, so be warned.

Separation

Courts generally use legal separation for people who wish to end their marriage but don’t have grounds for an absolute divorce, or for couples that need to sort out their finances but cannot agree on the settlement on their own. They may need third party help or intervention. You should live apart and not have a sexual relationship with your soon to be ex, or indeed with others. Yeah right! It’s not that you are banned from sex, but once you have a sexual relationship with someone then you can technically be divorced on the grounds of adultery by your other half.

This separation allows both of you time to resolve issues such as maintenance, child support, child custody, health insurance, and the question of housing before your separation is finalized.

It’s important to remember that whilst your divorce is at this stage, this does in fact give either of you the opportunity to remove or maneuver wealth, possessions or financial interests to protect them! This is therefore a dangerous stage to be in normally for one of the party’s concerned. Make sure you are not that party! As Johnny Carson said “ The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”

Managed Divorce

A managed divorce is when both of you have reached a mutual settlement over the allocation of your property, finances, children, and other often contentious issues.  While managed divorces may appear to be the simple way to achieve your desired goals, you may have to renege on a few issues such as support from his pension, share allocation, or other sources of income in the long term.

No Fault Divorce

A no-fault divorce is where neither of you places blame on the other for the divorce, and that irreconcilable differences prevent you from continuing as a married couple.  No-fault divorces spare those of you who wish to amicably split avoid protracted and difficult custody and property separation battles and hopefully the costs associated with those procedures.

How you conduct yourselves and approach the divorce will depend on the animosity between both of you. How proactive you both are in the divorce will either accelerate the process or delay the process.

The Decree Nisi

This is when the divorce is nearing its completion and is your first piece of official paperwork. How long it takes to get to this position is really up to you and your husband. Feuding couples quite simply delay the process and to what end? We have seen the costs associated with high profile divorces. This will probably be the next most expensive outlay you have ever paid for since your wedding.

Once you have the Decree Nisi then you can apply for the absolute to take place six weeks afterwards. This time in between allows anyone to object to the divorce and state their reasons why to the court.

The Absolute Divorce

The Absolute divorce is the legal end of your marriage and it ends all legal bonds between you both as a couple. You are now officially single again.

There are a variety of other terminologies used when describing divorce such as a defended divorce, undefended divorce, non-contested divorce amongst others but I have explained the main ones to you. I don’t need to complicate this process so let’s keep it simple.

Separation is also the word often used to describe couples living together that then decide to part. They don’t often have the contracted process of divorce but these days may well have an agreement in place as described further on in my book to cover certain eventualities. Whatever your marital status splitting up is still messy and costly.

The bottom line is that the divorce process can be as painful as you want but it will not be painless!

Although this may sound simple, it’s never easy to decide to end your marriage. You often spend a long time trying to solve your problems before deciding that the best course of action is to divorce.

One of you has to initiate the divorce; after all, someone has to decide when it’s time to call last orders. There’s only so much one person can do to repair a marriage. If your other half can’t see any future or longevity in the marriage then it is far better to end the marriage than to eventually become so indifferent and stale in a marriage that should have ended some years before. Nobody gains in that situation and you just become bitter, resentful and quite frankly a few years older.

Irrespective of who initiates the divorce, usually both of you will experience some disappointment that your relationship has come to an end, even if one of you wants the divorce more than the other. There is normally a feeling of failure and  “perhaps I should have done more” attitude. Nobody wins and, in your own minds eye, divorce gives the impression to others around you and the world that this is a public admission of failure. You will have to cope with the financial upheaval, knowing that your children will also pay the price for your failure.

Is Divorce and closing the door on your relationship worth it?

It is interesting to note that most people when they have gone through the stages of loss can often look back with some clarity and spot the initial point of the breakdown of the relationship. It is also interesting that most women have no regrets about the marriage being over. There may be sadness but women, for the most part, recognize the inevitable.

Written by Fiona G Laycy

‘Women on Top, 69 Positions to Success – and Saving Your Relationship or Not’ is your survival guide to marriage and divorce. It will help you through the hard times and provide you with examples of how to tackle life with courage and laughter – whether you decide to keep your marriage or not. To find out more about this essential guide to marriage – click the cover image.